


The Silence Between Us

by Bolontiku



Category: Avengers, Captain America (Movies), Marvel
Genre: Angst, Other, cursing, mentions of drinking and smoking, reader - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:47:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28095648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bolontiku/pseuds/Bolontiku
Summary: a drunk call answers unspoken questions, he’s your best friend, but the silence between you two is deafening.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	The Silence Between Us

*******

Steve's brows drew together as you took a drag of your cigarette, "you shouldn't smoke." The snow clung to your hair, fell on your lashes and cheeks, burned away as you exhaled the harsh smoke. You paced between the shitty little club and liquor store, there was a motel close by. Neon lights were just bright enough to offend the eyes, still his eyes were on you. It felt like an eternity since he had seen you, still, even though you were a drunken mess, he took in everything he could. The way you licked your lips after you inhaled, the way you held the bottle in your hand, hip just leaning against the cold brick wall.

"You-" the word dragged and you teetered, Steve looking back at your face, you stepped away from him when he reached out to keep you steady. Eyes meeting his blearily, so you had drank too much, who asked him to come? "You shouldn't be seen with me."

He hated seeing you like this, but you were his best friend. He loved you. He figured that it was a phase, people went through things, sometimes they just needed space. Cars drove past on the street beside you, he ignored anyone that passed by, you had called him finally. His name the only thing you uttered as he answered quietly slipping from bed to keep from waking her. He had FRIDAY track you down when you hadn't answered and you had hung up suddenly.

It had been months and he hated it. He hated the space that had been growing between the two of you; gnawing, empty, hateful space. He hated not knowing what you were thinking first thing in the morning, hated not being able to text or call you. "Y/N, let me get you home." You stepped away from him when he moved towards you. "Y/N.." His tone was even and calm, patient. He needed to make sure you got home okay.

"You know what they say bout me?" You turned away from him, too drunk to care, too drunk to keep quiet. "You know why I stopped hanging out with you Steve?" He stopped moving, he had wondered. "Y'know? It's real simple. I don't want to hurt you." 

Steve bit his lip. How could you hurt him? He took a deep breath.

"She came to check on us." Steve frowned as you danced out of reach, his heart broke when you met his gaze, even though you smiled he could see the tremble in your bottom lip. "We were just hanging out and she came to check on us, like she would find us _fucking_ or something."

He flinched at the word. He knew what you were talking about. It had been the last time the two of you had hung out. Sure, he saw you at the compound, but things had quietened between the two of you. Your silence deafening, it had hurt, but he figured you had your reasons. He could wait.

Where you had always called or texted first he had been the one to reach out. He had been okay with it, not thinking about it, or the endless excuses you gave him so that you didn't spend time together. "Y/N-" his voice caught. Was that really the reason? "She doesn't care, that," he shook his head, "she knows that's not- we- we're- you are my best friend."

You tilted your head to the side, your smile broken, eyes a little too glossy, flicking the smoke into the street. You looked away, shoving your free hand into your hair, "yeah," the word broke and he felt his heart crumble. "No, yeah, I know. I love her too, she's my friend and your my buddy," the laugh that slipped past your lips was hollow. You felt broken, tired, alone. God, so alone. Cause you knew, you had seen the look, how many times had you seen that same look in the eyes of others? So you had backed off, stayed away. The chime from your phone surprised you.

_Is he with you?_

Steve's eyes flicked to the phone in your hand as you tensed up. "Y/N, let's get you home."

You sniffled, thumb swiping across the screen quickly, before you let him wrap you up in his arms. 

Just a moment. 

It was okay. 

_Just for a moment_. 

You wanted to tell him, wanted to explain better, wanted to curl up and cry.

Steve dropped his chin to the top of your head. He missed this, even though you were drunk and had been smoking, he could still make out the smell of gardenia, "I got ya, its okay."

You swallowed the ache, the whimper, eyes closing as you inhaled his scent. Steve. Your friend Steve. God you had missed him. And so- you pushed him away, lips twisting in a wry smile. "Who needs you?" You lifted the forgotten bottle to your lips, the smoke long gone and fallen to the ground. The edge back in your stare, you stepped back, half stumbling. "Who asked ya to come here huh? Just- fuck off okay? If you touch me…"

Steve shook his head, "you don't mean that."

Your laugh mingled with that of the club music, when had that dulled? How had it become just the two of you? "Go home Steve, she'll think badly of you and… I can't do that to her."

"Have you met me?" He chuckled, "c'mon, let me take you home"

You pushed at him, anger flashing in your eyes, Steve stilled. "No. I-" he watched you lick your lips, "I just wanted to say goodbye. I didn't call you here so that you'd save me or some shit Steve, just… goodbye." 

There, you nodded, numb, but you had done it. It was good. You had finally done some good. No one would whisper about him or ask questions. You knew, a hiccup made you pause, even though he was your best friend... **_Because_ ** he was your best friend you had to watch out for him. Even if it hurt, even though it meant you couldn't see him. 

"Y/N!" He caught your arm, "just _talk_ to me! We can work this out."

You pulled out of his touch, the look of devastation on your face, he didn't know how to respond to that. You didn’t tug or pull, didn’t jerk out of his grasp, no. It was worse, you slipped from his grasp and it hurt, it hurt so badly, he didn’t know how to help you. "Steve," God he missed hearing you say his name, a truck passed, horn blaring loudly as your lips moved, he barely caught the sound of your breath.

“WHAT?!” he asked, a little too loudly as the noise dissipated.

The music blared as you looked up at him, the door crashing open and bodies spilling out. Laughter mingling with drunken slurs. 

"I gotta go."

Steve stared, that wasn't true. It wasn't true. He blinked, a guy crashing into him and catching his shoulders, "sorry man!!"

Steve looked around, where had you gone? He hurried past the crowd, why? Why would you think that? He paid to get in, pushing past bodies once he was inside, craning his neck to look over the crowd. What had you said? It didn’t matter what anyone thought, he missed you, your talks about nothing, eating lunch together, leaning against each other during boring briefs, you drawing stupid pictures of Fury or Tony and making him struggle to keep a straight face. The quiet instead of the silence between the two of you.

This was insane. 

Relief washed over him when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. You were his best friend, how could you think that? It had unnerved him and- "Y/N?" He answered without looking, "just tell me where you are at and I'll be there."

"She said you weren't with her? Are you with her???" 

Steve stopped, the mass of bodies pushing against him keeping him in place. 

" _You know why I stopped hanging out with you Steve?_ " the way you had looked--

"Are you-?" he didn’t know what it was he wanted to ask, but really he did.

"Steve, is she there with you?"

" _Y'know? It's real simple. I don't want to hurt you._ " You had smiled...

"I'll come, where are you? Steve? I can help, whatever it is, I can help, just let me know where you're at?"

" _She came to check on us._ " But he knew, your smile covered the hurt, the loneliness.

"I think you've helped enough."


End file.
